Party On
by paulmcuk
Summary: Jeremy throws a party in an attempt to prove that he is over Natalie. Natalie goes to prove that she is over Jeremy. Dana and Casey refuse to invite each other to prove they are not an item but are not fooling anybody. Then it all goes horribly wrong.


"A party?"

"Yes. Will you come?"

"Sure I'll come" said Casey.

"Me too" said Dan. He turned to his co-host. "Party on Casey."

"Party on Dan."

They both played a little air-guitar as Jeremy looked on. "I'm already starting to wish I hadn't asked" he said. "The invitation extends to guests as well of course" he added, "hopefully a little saner than you."

"How many?" asked Casey.

"Well. I thought just one. You know, a date."

"Damn. And I was going to invite the all guys from the gym."

"Casey. In the two years you've been a member of that gym, exactly how many times have you actually been for a workout?"

"You can't expect me to give you an exact figure."

"Roughly then."

"Roughly....once."

"So roughly how many people did you get to know there in your roughly one visit?"

"Almost one."

"Almost one?"

"Yeah, she turned me down. But what better way to get to know them than inviting them to a party."

"One guest" said Jeremy firmly.

"Ok. But I hope you realise the damage you're doing to my social life."

"We ARE your social life Casey" said Dan

"I know. Depressing isn't it?"

"So Jeremy" said Dan, "are you going to invite Natalie?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

"Well I thought what with you guys breaking up and everything."

"That's ancient history."

"It was two weeks ago."

"Time is relative."

"Really? I'll try telling that to Dana when it's two minutes to air."

"What I mean is that, although we only broke up two weeks ago in terms of linear time, we have moved on a great deal further in terms of, lets call it emotional time."

"Are you getting all this Casey?" asked Dan.

"Sorry, I got lost when we left the gym."

"What I'm trying to say" persisted Jeremy, "is that Natalie and I are both mature enough not to let our break-up interfere with our fundemental feelings of amity."

"Is that you're way of saying that you're just good friends now?" asked Casey.

"Yes."

Casey and Dan exchanged meaningful glances.

"What?" asked Jeremy. "You think Natalie and I can't be friends?"

"Well look at it this way" said Dan. "Two weeks ago you were having sex with Natalie."

"So."

"So are you really saying that you can now occupy the same room as her and not still want to have sex with her?"

"Of course. Don't you guys have female friends?"

"Sure we do" said Casey, "but that doesn't prove anything."

"Why?"

"Because we want to have sex with them."

"Its irrelevant now anyway" said Jeremy.

"Why?" asked Dan.

"Because I have a date for the party."

There a moments silence that was broken by Casey. "You have a date?"

"Yes. I have a date."

"Who with?"

"Her names Linda. You don't know her."

"Is she hot?"

"I really don't think its very nice to talk about women in that way."

"Alright, sorry....But is she?"

"You bet."

Dan was frowning. "You're not just having this party so that you can flaunt this new woman in front of Natalie are you?"

"Of course not. Why would I want to do that?"

"Revenge maybe?"

"Revenge for what?"

"For her breaking up with you."

"Did she tell you that it was her that broke up with me?"

"No."

"So what makes you think it was that way? Maybe I broke up with her."

"Did you?"

Jeremy was silent.

"Jeremy" said Casey, "just why DID you guys break up?"

"I'd rather not talk about it" he replied. "See you at the party" he added and left the two men alone.

"So I guess that's that then" said Casey.

"What's what?"

"Jeremy and Natalie really have split up for good."

"You don't think they'll get back together?"

"Not if he plans to wave the luscious Linda under Natalie's nose all night."

"I guess you're right" replied Dan thoughtfully.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing. So who are you going to take?"

"I don't know. I'll probably just go on my own."

"What about Dana?"

"What about Dana?"

"You could ask her."

"What's the point? She's going to be there anyway."

"You could still ask her."

"I could but I won't so let's just leave it ok?"

"Whatever you say."

"Right."

"But I still think you should ask her."

"Just drop the subject will you. Anyway, what about you?"

"I'm not going to ask Dana to the party."

"You know what I mean. Are you going to take somebody or are you still abstaining from female company?"

"I might take someone" Dan replied.

"Yeah? Which someone?"

"Oh you know. Just someone, or no-one. Who knows who. Actually, I'll probably just go on my own."

Casey looked at his friend. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Sure" said Dan. "Never better". He paused before adding "I wonder if Natalie will bring someone."

"Hey Natalie."

"Hey Dan."

"How's it going?"

"Oh, pretty much the same as it was when you asked me fifteen minutes ago."

"Sorry."

"No problem. Do you have something on your mind."

"No. Why do you ask?"

"Because this is the fourth time in the last hour that you've come over, said Hi, mooched around a little, then gone away again."

"Am I disturbing you?"

"Of course not. I was just wondering if we were actually going to have a conversation this time."

Dan nodded. "Conversation is good."

"Ok. You start."

"Are you ready?"

Natalie leaned forward in her seat and gazed intently at Dan. "Ready."

"Right. Do you know that Jeremy is having a party tomorrow night."

"Yes I do" replied Natalie brightly.

"Hey come on. This is supposed to be a conversation. You have to say more than that."

"Its not my fault. You have to ask more interesting and open questions."

"Alright. I have a more interesting question but I have to build up to it. Did Jeremy invite you?"

"Yes he did."

"So you guys are talking now?"

"You could say we're virtually talking."

"Virtually?"

"He e-mailed me."

"Ok. Are you going to go?"

"I guess so."

"Did you know that Jeremy has a date?"

Natalie was silent for a moment. "Was that the interesting question?"

"That was the interesting question."

"No I didn't know that. Who is she?"

"We don't know her, but her name is Linda and she is, apparently, hot."

"Jeremy said she was hot?"

"With a little help from Casey, yes."

"Oh."

"Does it bother you?"

"That he has a date or that he has a hot date?"

"Either."

"No. Why should it? We've broken up after all."

"Ancient history" said Dan.

"It was two weeks ago."

"Yeah but I was talking about emotional time and....oh forget it. So are you still going to go?"

"I don't know. Do you think I should?"

"Sure I think you should go. And what's more I think you should take a date of your own."

"You're right. I should go, and I should take a date."

"Yes."

"A hot date."

"Yes."

"A date so hot he could melt the ice in the drink of Jeremy's date from twenty metres."

"Whatever you say."

"Just one problem."

"What's that?"

"I don't have a date."

"That's not a problem. I don't have a date either."

"You're right."

"I am?"

"It's not a problem at all. I can get a date. I know lots of guys that would love to take me out."

"Yes but I was thinking..."

"I get asked out all the time. If I told you about all the hot guys that I turned down while I was seeing Jeremy it would be enough to turn you gay."

"Okaaay. Well what I was going to suggest was.... "

"Natalie!" Dana was calling her assistant.

"Duty calls Dan" said Natalie. "Thanks for the advice, see you at the party."

Dan watched Natalie's back as she disappeared from view. "Sure" he said quietly. "See you there."

"What's up?" asked Natalie.

"Nothings up" replied Dana.

"So why did half of New York hear your dulcet tones calling my name?"

"I wanted to ask you something."

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"That's not what I was going to ask."

"It's what you usually ask."

"Not this time."

"You've asked me every day for the last two weeks."

"I know. But not this time."

"Good."

"But why won't you tell me? We're supposed to be friends."

"Dana, I promise that one day I will tell you why Jeremy and I broke up. But that day is not today, it is not tomorrow, and it may not even be any day this year."

"Alright, I won't ask again."

"Thank you. So what was the question?"

"What question?"

"You said you wanted to ask me something. That usually means there's a question involved somewhere."

"Oh yes. Are you going to Jeremy's party?"

"You bet."

"Did you know he has a date?"

"I heard something of the sort."

"A hot date."

"So I gather."

"Are you taking a date?"

"You bet."

"Who?"

"I have absolutely no idea."

"He'll have to be hot."

"Don't I know it."

"Can you find someone by tomorrow night?"

"Sure."

"There's not much time."

"Do you think I can't?"

"No I'm sure you can."

"Because I've got men queuing up to ask me out."

"I bet you have."

"If I told you about all the hot guys that I turned down while I was seeing Jeremy it would be enough to turn you gay."

"What?"

"Sorry. That line worked better on Dan. What about you anyway?"

"What about me?"

"Are you going to ask Casey?"

"Casey is invited. He'll be there anyway."

"It doesn't mean you can't ask him."

"It doesn't mean I can't but it doesn't mean I am."

"Why not?"

"I'd rather not talk about it."

Dan and Casey met in the lobby of Jeremy's apartment building. "No date?" asked Dan as they climbed the stairs.

"No" replied Casey. "You?"

"No."

"I thought you had someone in mind."

"I did but... she wasn't available."

They arrived at Jeremy's apartment and knocked on the door. Strangely enough it was answered by Jeremy. "Hi guys, come on in."

Dan and Casey entered and looked around. There was a distinct lack of party atmosphere. "Are we the first ones here?" asked Casey.

"Yes."

"But you said eight o'clock."

"I know."

"And it is now fifteen minutes past."

"Yes."

"So where is everyone?"

"Well eight usually means eight for eight-thirty."

"It does?"

"Yes. I'm sure the others will be here soon."

"But why say eight if you mean eight-thirty? Why not just say eight-thirty?"

"Because if I said eight-thirty everyone would show up at nine. Everyone fashionable that is. Would you like a drink?" He pointed at the table which was laden with a variety of drinks.

While Dan and Casey were helping themselves to beers a new figure entered the room. "Guys" said Jeremy, "I want you meet Linda."

Linda was a little under five and a half feet tall, slim, with brown hair and eyes. Jeremy made the introductions. "You never told me they were so good-looking" said Linda to Jeremy, "I may just have to dump you before the night is out."

"Don't even joke about it" he replied.

"So which ones are you?" Linda asked Dan and Casey. "Are you in front or behind the cameras?"

"Haven't you ever watched the show?" asked Casey.

"Sorry, no. I really don't have much interest in sports."

"Well, we're in front of the cameras."

"Of course you are" said Linda. "They wouldn't waste those faces behind them would that?" There was a ping from the direction of the kitchen. "Gotta go" she said. "The microwave calls." She headed of to the kitchen. "I'll help you" said Jeremy hurrying after her.

"Well" said Casey, "That was Linda."

"It was" agreed Dan.

"What do you think of her?"

"She seems nice."

"Nice. Definitely nice."

"And pretty."

"Definitely pretty."

"Would you say she was hot?"

"Mmmm, yeah. I'd say she was pretty hot."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I think I'm thinking what you're thinking."

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking why didn't he just clone Natalie."

"That's what I was thinking."

Jeremy returned with a bowl of something vaguely green which he placed on the table. "My speciality" he explained leaving Dan and Casey none the wiser. "So what do you think?" he asked.

"I'm not sure" said Casey regarding the contents of the bowl. "What is it?"

"Not that" said Jeremy. "Linda. What do you think?"

"She seems nice" said Dan.

"And pretty" said Casey.

"Hot?" asked Jeremy.

"Pretty hot" replied the two men.

Jeremy sensed that they were holding something back. "What is it?" he asked.

"What's what?" asked Dan.

"What is it that you're not saying?"

"We're not saying a lot of things Jeremy" said Casey.

"You'll have to be a little more specific" said Dan.

"It's something about Linda isn't it?"

"That's more specific" conceded Dan.

"What is it?"

"Well" said Casey, "doesn't she remind you of anyone?"

"Of course she does."

"Well there you go."

"There I go where? What does that have to do with anything."

"Don't you think you going out with her could look a little, you know, weird?" asked Dan.

"Why is it weird for me to go out with someone who looks like Carrie Fisher?"

"Carrie Fisher?"

"Sure" said Jeremy. "Not as she is now obviously" he added.

"Obviously."

"But in her Star Wars days."

"Ok. You want to take over here Casey?" said Dan.

"Jeremy" said Casey, "you're dating Natalie."

"No. We broke up. I'm sure I mentioned it."

"You're dating her by proxy. Linda looks so much like Natalie they could be sisters."

"You think so?"

"Yes."

"I thought she looked like Carrie Fisher." He considered for a moment then said "Although I also thought Natalie looked a little like Carrie Fisher too. More Empire Strikes Back than Star Wars maybe."

"Trust us Jeremy" said Dan. "Linda looks like Natalie."

"So."

"So it's obvious you're dating Linda on the rebound from Natalie."

"It's not obvious at all. Maybe they're both just my type."

"I didn't know you had a type."

"Neither did I. But maybe I do and maybe Linda and Natalie are both examples of it."

"And Carrie Fisher." said Casey.

"Exactly."

The next person to arrive was a stranger to Dan and Casey. Jeremy introduced him. "This is Mike Cullen, an old friend from high school." Greetings were exchanged and hands were shaken. "Call me Mikey" he insisted.

"Mikey is the funniest guy I know" said Jeremy. "Go on Mikey" he added, "tell them a joke."

"I'm sure that they have better things to do than hear my lame jokes" replied his friend.

"No, its cool" said Casey wanting to make Jeremy's friend welcome. "We like jokes, right Dan?"

"Can't get enough of 'em."

"Ok then" said Mikey. "What's orange and sounds like a parrot?"

"Don't know" said Casey.

"A carrot. What's red and invisible?"

"No idea."

"No tomatoes. What did the nought say to the eight?"

"What?"

"Nice belt."

"Drink?" Dan managed to insinuate the single word question while Mikey was taking a breath.

"Thanks" he said, "I'll have a creme de menthe frappe."

"You will?"

"He always drinks those" explained Jeremy. "I have a special supply for you in the kitchen" he said to Mikey.

"Well then lead on MacDuff" said Mikey and the two old school friends disappeared in the direction of the kitchen.

"Obviously the life and soul of the party has arrived" said Dan.

"Just keep him away from me that's all" said Casey.

As time went on more people began to arrive. Among them was Dana. She was chatting to Linda when Dan spotted her on his way back from the bathroom.

"Dana's here" he said as he returned to Casey.

"Is she?" said Casey who had in fact noticed.

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"She's alone."

"Really."

"Yes. All alone."

"Who's all alone?" Dana had approached unheard while they were talking.

"Oh hi Dana."

"Hi guys. Who's all alone?"

"Er.. we are. Casey and I."

"Really?"

"Yes. Neither of us have dates tonight."

"At least you have each other. So have you met Linda?"

"Yes."

"She's nice don't you think."

"Yeah" said Casey. "Pretty too."

"Yeah. Not hot though."

"No. Not hot."

"I'm really trying to hate her."

"You are?"

"Yes. For Natalie's sake of course."

"Of course. What else are friends for?"

"Exactly. But its hard because she's so...."

"Nice?"

"Yeah. And have you noticed?"

"Noticed what?"

"How much she looks like Carrie Fisher."

"Isaac, you're here" said Jeremy opening the door to his boss.

"Don't sound so surprised. You did invite me."

"I know. Its just that you didn't sound too sure at the time."

"Well I wasn't. But when I got home my wife announced that she had tickets for the ballet."

"Ah."

"Fortunately I had a legitimate prior engagement so I am here and my wife is at the ballet with her friend."

"Well I'm glad I could be of help."

"So am I. Here" said Isaac handing Jeremy two bottles of wine.

"Thanks" said Jeremy, "You shouldn't have."

"At $100 a bottle you're damn right I shouldn't have but its all we had left in the cellar." He cupped his hand to his ear. "What's that?" he asked.

"What's what?"

"Exactly. This is supposed to be a party. How come there's no music?"

"Well I asked Dan and Casey to put some on but... " he pointed over to where his hi-fi stood. Half a dozen men, including Dana and Casey, were gathered around engaged in heated debate about the most appropriate music to play, and about Jeremy's taste in music. Isaac wandered over. "Hello boys" he said and received a number of variations on the words "Hi Isaac" in return.

"You guys know your music huh?" The men murmured assent.

"Well that's good because I have a music question for you."

Their interest piqued, the men turned to him with questioning looks.

"Why am I standing here listening to you instead of to some music" asked Isaac.

"You haven't seen what we've got to work with here" said Dan.

"It can't be that bad" said Isaac.

"It is" chorused the assembled men.

"There is nothing wrong with my taste in music" insisted Jeremy.

"Yes there is" said the men en masse.

"Hold on, hold on" said Casey. "I think I've found something pretty cool."

"Told you so" said Jeremy. "What is it?"

"The Clash. Jeremy, I'm impressed."

"Actually that's Natalie's."

"Whoever's, we have our music."

"You're not putting that on" said Jeremy.

"Why not?"

"Its supposed to be a party."

"This is a great album."

"Maybe. But its not a party album."

"I've had enough of this" said Isaac. "Let me through here." He browsed through the titles in Jeremy's collection and quickly pulled something out.

"Here" he said passing it to Casey, "put this on."

Casey regarded the CD that Isaac had given him. "The Very Best of Motown" he read out loud.

"Everybody likes Motown" said Isaac.

A while later there was a knock at the door. "I'll get it" said Isaac. He opened it to find three young men standing there.

"Can I help you?" he asked.

"Yeah" said one, "we're here for the party."

"Are you invited?"

"Sure."

"Who invited you?"

"Gerry?"

"Sorry boys." He closed the door. One of the other men thumped the one who had spoken. "Gerry? You jerk. How many people are called Gerry?"

By nine-thirty there was a healthy book running on whether or not Natalie would actually turn up - along with some side-betting about whether she would arrive with a date. In fact she did both. Every head turned as Jeremy opened the door and she entered accompanied by an unfamiliar man.

"Hi" said Jeremy. "Glad you could make it. And your....friend."

"You did say we could bring a guest didn't you?"

"Yes, of course."

"Oh good. Well let me introduce you then. Jeremy, this is Simon....my date."

Simon was, by anyone's standards, hot. To say that he was tall, dark and handsome would be to sell him short. Put him in a tuxedo he would be James Bond, put him in a polo neck sweater he would be a philosopher, put him in a beret he would be Che Guevara. The effect he had on Jeremy was exactly as Natalie had intended, but he wasn't going to show it. Instead he brought his own big gun into play.

"Let me introduce you to my date" he said as Linda came to greet the new arrivals.

"Hi" said Linda.

"Hi." said Natalie. Both women extended their hands simultaneously to shake.

Natalie regarded her doppelganger. "If I go like this" she said scratching her nose "will you do it as well?"

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry, just being facetious. Its a fault of mine isn't it Jeremy?" Jeremy said nothing so Natalie continued. "Its just that I felt like I was looking in a mirror there for a second."

"Yes we do look a little alike" agreed Linda.

Natalie was going to continue the conversation but Jeremy had other ideas. "Well " he said false joviality "don't stand there in the doorway. Join the party. There's drinks on the table and there's food on the other table. Help yourselves." He then guided Linda away from the danger zone.

"Do we have personal hygiene problems or something?" asked Simon.

"Didn't I tell you?" said Natalie knowing full well she hadn't. "Jeremy is my ex-boyfriend."

"Oh. And Linda is his new girlfriend?"

"Right. Did you see how much she looked like me?"

"Well she looks like you" admitted Simon, "but she's not exactly the mirror image you were suggesting."

"I didn't say it was a good mirror" said Natalie. "Far from it. Its an old, cracked, mirror that's been up in the attic for twenty years and is covered in dust."

"I'm glad to see you don't feel threatened."

"Threatened? By her? No way."

"Good."

"So what did you think of her."

"Well it was hard to form an opinion in so short a time."

"Well give me a first impression then."

"I'm not sure I even had time for a first impression."

"Of course you had time for a first impression. That's why its called a first impression."

"Alright. She seemed nice enough."

"And what about how she looked.?"

"Pretty, I guess."

"I'll tell you one thing" said Natalie. "No way could she be called hot."

"What do you call a deer with no eyes?"

"Beats me."

"No idea! What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?"

"Er..."

"STILL no idea!"

"Very funny" said Dana.

"I got a million of 'em" said Mikey.

"Well you don't have to tell me all of them at once."

Natalie spotted Dan and wandered over to him. "Hi" she said.

"Hi" he replied. "I see you found your hot date."

"Did you doubt me?"

"Not for a moment."

She looked around but her date was not in sight at that moment. "I'll introduce you later" she said.

"Fine" said Dan. "You look nice" he added.

Natalie looked at him.

"What?" he asked.

"I don't think you've ever told me I look nice before."

"I must have done."

"No, you haven't. Women remember these things."

"I could always take it back."

"No its ok" she said. "I'll keep it."

"Have I really never said it before?"

"You've really never said it before."

"I wonder why?"

"Maybe I've never looked nice before."

"That's not true. Even if I've never said it, I must have thought it a thousand times."

Natalie smiled. "Thanks, that's sweet."

Dan smiled back. "You're welcome."

They were still grinning at each other when Casey ambled up.

"Hey Natalie."

"Hey Casey. Do I look nice?"

"Er yeah. Sure you look nice."

"Just checking."

Casey decided he couldn't be bothered to find out what she was talking about so he persisted with his intended line of questioning. "So have you met her?"

"Who?"

"You know who."

"We were introduced."

"And?"

"And we said Hi and managed to resist the urge to scratch each others eyes out."

"What do you think of her?"

"She seems nice. Why, what do you think of her?"

"Yeah. Nice."

"Do you think she's pretty?"

"I guess so."

"Do you think she's hot?"

"Do you?"

"Uh uh, you first."

"Not really."

Natalie seemed satisfied by this. "Did you notice the resemblance?" she asked.

"To Carrie Fisher?"

"No, to me."

"Yeah we noticed. She's a dead ringer for you" said Dan. "But not as nice, or as pretty or as hot" he added hurriedly.

Natalie rewarded him with another smile.

"So how long has Jeremy had this thing about Carrie Fisher?" asked Isaac.

"What year did Star Wars come out?" said Kim who had been talking to Dan and Casey.

"About '77 I think."

"Then I guess it started around about then."

Mikey sidled up to them.

"Oh God" muttered Isaac under his breath.

Mikey plunged straight into the joke. "Man goes to the doctor. He says, Doctor, I can't stop singing What's New Pussycat. Doctor says, You have Tom Jones syndrome. Man says, Tom Jones syndrome? Is that rare? Doctor says, Well its not unusual."

Isaac and Kim both struggled to keep a straight face.

"Actually" said Kim, "that one was pretty funny."

Natalie was looking smug as she approached Dana. "Round one to me I think" she said.

"I didn't know there was a fight."

"There isn't. It's a war."

"So in what way are you winning?"

"Two ways. One, Jeremy expected me to turn up alone tonight whereas I knew beforehand that he had a date. Therefore the impact of my date on him was much greater than the impact of his date on me."

"Ok."

"And two, his date is just a pale imitation of me whereas my date is completely new and original. Thus showing that he is still hung up on me while I, on the other hand, have moved on."

"I agree. You are definitely winning."

"What do you think of Linda?"

"I hate her."

"Really?"

"Well I'm really trying to."

"Good. Keep up the good work."

"And your date is hot."

"I know."

"Where did you find him?"

"He lives in my building. We've had a really intense relationship for months where we would meet in the hall every so often and say Hi. Anyway, last night he asked me out."

"He must be psychic."

"Actually I think he might have guessed that I'd just broken up with someone."

"How?"

"I put all the things that Jeremy had left at my place in a big box and left it outside my door with the words, Ex-boyfriends stuff, written on it."

"Subtle."

"That's me."

Mikey was still sidling. This time Dan and Casey were the sidle'ees. He put his hand on Dan's shoulder and sang "Oh Danny booooy, the pipes the pipes are caaaalliiiing." Then he sidled away again.

"You wanna kill him right?" asked Casey.

"So, so, much."

A while later Casey entered the kitchen in search of, of all things, water. Alcohol always made his throat dry. He found Dana already in there along with a girl whose name he thought might be Lucy, and who he seemed to recall had arrived with one of the guys from the Sports Night crew, but he couldn't quite recall which one.

"Hi" he said to the room in general.

"Hi" said Dana. "I was starting to think you were avoiding me."

"I could never avoid you" he said. "Not in that dress anyway."

Lucy, or whoever, looked at the pair and came to a swift conclusion. "I'll get out of your way" she said. "I'm sure you guys would like to be alone."

Casey and Dana watched her depart. "Some people seem to assume we're here together" said Dana.

"I noticed that too."

"They don't realise we're just friends."

"No they don't."

"Like Harry and Sally."

"Who?"

"In the movie."

"Oh yeah. Good movie."

"Yes. Good movie."

There was an awkward moments silence which was filled by Dana. "What do you think of the movie's basic premise?" she asked casually.

"I think is was pretty much basic, as far as premises go."

Dana sighed. "I never know when you are being genuinely stupid or just acting stupid"

"I know. Its all part of my charm" said Casey. "What was the question again? In english this time."

"Do you think men and women can be good friends?"

"Sure they can. We're living proof of that aren't we?"

"Yes we are. Living proof of how a man and woman can be good friends without there being any romantic involvement at all."

"Just like Harry and Sally" said Casey.

"Just like Harry and Sally."

"Up to a point."

"Up to a point" agreed Dana. "The only question is, up to what point?"

"How do you mean?"

"Well, do you think they were right to go up to the point of sleeping together?"

"Harry and Sally?"

"Yes."

"Definitely."

"You don't think that they had some legitimate concerns about what it would do to their friendship? After all, a good friend is a precious thing. I would hate to lose one just for the sake of one night of sex."

"Yes but I think they realised in the end that, if the attraction is there, the friendship can only make the relationship that much stronger."

"That's a good point."

"I thought so."

"Its a very good point."

"I'm glad you agree."

"I mean" said Dana, "it would be foolish to have the opportunity of a great relationship and not pursue it."

"Absolutely."

"Stands to reason."

"Well then."

"Well then."

"We're agreed."

"It would seem so."

"So..."

"Hey guys! What are you doing hiding away in here?"

"Trying to have a private conversation Mikey" said Casey. "What are you doing here?"

"Sorry guys. Just getting some ice." He bustled over to the ice box and began to fill the ice bucket he had brought in with him. "Don't mind me" he said "you carry on."

"We'll wait if its alright with you."

"Whatever turns you on."

Finally he finished what he was doing and left the kitchen. Casey turned back to Dana but Mikey's head emerged round the door again. "There's these two fish in a tank" he said. "One of them says to the other, So how do you drive this thing?" His head disappeared again.

Casey tried again. "Where were we" he said.

"Harry and Sally."

"Oh yes. Harry and Sally and how right they were to sleep together."

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Yes maybe."

"Did I just miss something? You said they were right before."

"I know. But now I've had time to think and I'm wondering if they weren't being a little hasty."

"Hasty? They've known each other for years."

"Exactly. So why rush?"

"But..."

"I think we'd better get back to the party. People will start to talk." She left the kitchen.

"I'm gonna kill him" muttered Casey.

Jeremy answered the door to find three young men standing there.

"Yes?" he said.

"We're here for the party."

"Did someone invite you?"

"Sure."

"Who?"

"Err, I forget the guys name. He's tall."

"Could you give me a little more?"

"The guy from the gym" said another one taking a stab in the dark.

"Oh. Right. I guess you'd better come in then."

"Great!"

Then a thought struck Jeremy. "Which gym?" he asked.

"Er Jim's gym?" the man offerred.

"Sorry guys." He closed the door.

Casey looked down at the table. A few more beers had improved Casey's mood but what he saw, or rather didn't see, on the table troubled him

"Uh oh" said Casey.

"This calls for swift action" said Dan.

"Jeremy" called Casey, "we have an emergency over here."

"What kind of emergency?"

"We need more beers."

"In the refrigerator."

"You're so traditional" said Casey. He turned to Dan. "They're in the refrigerator" he said.

"I heard" said Dan.

"You know the way."

"So do you."

"But I have to go and....talk to Isaac."

"All of a sudden you have to talk to Isaac?"

"Not all of a sudden. I've been meaning to go over."

"So why wait till now?"

"I've been mingling."

"You've been talking to me almost the whole time we've been here."

"I can mingle with you. Mingling is mingling. There's no law that says with whom and how many."

"What are you gibberring about?" said Isaac.

"Isaac! I was just saying to Dan that I ought to go over and talk to you."

"Really? Well now you don't have to."

"No I don't."

"The mountain has come to Mohammed."

"Right."

"So now we can talk."

"Good."

"Well I have to say its been a riveting conversation so far."

"Sorry I was thinking about something else."

"Something more interesting than me?"

"I'm afraid so."

"What?"

"The fact that I don't have a drink."

"You don't have a drink?"

"Alright, alright" said Dan. "I'll go and get the beers."

"Make sure you bring plenty" said Casey.

"I need a refill myself" said Isaac holding up his empty glass. He scanned the table. "Where's my wine?"

"What wine?"

"The wine I brought. There were two bottles."

"Which ones were they?"

"The ones without the screw caps."

"I think they've been drunk."

"But I only had one glass."

"There's still some Liebfraumilch" offerred Casey.

"Two hundred dollars for one glass."

"I'm sure everyone enjoyed them" said Casey.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"It was the only silver lining I could find for that particular cloud."

"Pass me the Liebfraumilch."

Dan went to the kitchen to get the beers. When he had loaded himself up with about as many as he could carry he made his way back to the party. But as he left the kitchen he saw a couple at the far end of the hall. They didn't see him but that wasn't surprising because they were busy at the time. They appeared to be performing tonsillectomies on each other using just their tongues. Dan recognised the couple. "Oh no" he said.

"You're sure it was Simon and Linda?"

"I'm sure."

"And you're sure they were kissing?"

"Kissing is too mild a word for what I saw. If oral sex didn't already mean something else then I'd call it that."

Natalie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I sure can pick 'em" she said.

"He's not worth getting upset over" said Dan.

"You're right" said Natalie. "But its hard not to get upset when a guy starts cheating on you just three hours into a relationship."

"Do you want me to beat him up?"

Natalie smiled in spite of herself. "My hero" she said. "Thanks, but no. I can handle Simon."

"I know. I made the offer for Simon's sake."

"What?"

"I thought me beating him up might be easier on him."

"If you're not careful I'll handle you too."

"Promises, promises."

She gave him a playful thump on the arm. "You're impossible."

Dan held his arm in mock pain for a moment then became serious. "I'll be nearby if you need me" he said.

"I know you will."

Simon was stood with Casey by the food table. Natalie wandered over with Dan close behind.

"Hi" she said to Simon.

"Hello."

"Did you miss me?"

"Of course."

"So what are you guys up to?"

"We are trying to work out what this green stuff is."

"Your guess is as good as mine."

"Didn't Jeremy ever mix up a batch of whatever it is for you?" asked Casey.

"Not that I recall. And I would definitely have recalled something that looked like that."

Dan leant over the bowl and took a sniff. "It smells sort of familiar though" he said.

Natalie did the same. "You're right" she said. "It does remind me of something." She turned to Simon. "Have a smell" she said.

Simon bent over to smell the food and as he did so Natalie pushed his face deep into the bowl. He came up spluttering. "What the hell did you do that for?"

"Well from what I hear you like to get your tongue into anything of Jeremy's."

"What are you talking about?"

"Linda."

"Oh."

"That's right."

"Look, I've just had a little too much to drink. She's nothing to me."

"That's good. Because you're nothing to me."

Simon suddenly realised that he was still covered in Jeremy's speciality and he grabbed a handful of paper napkins to clean himself off with. "You know" he said with a sneer, "I would have dumped you for her anyway. She's so much hotter than you are."

Natalie didn't reply. She just calmly picked up the bowl from the table and hurled the rest of the contents over Simon.

"You stupid bitch, I'll..." he stopped dead when he looked at Natalie. Or rather when he looked at Natalie and saw she was flanked by Dan and Casey and that there were at least another half a dozen guys in support.

"I think its time you left" said Natalie calmly.

Simon glared at her but said nothing. He just headed for the door. Suddenly there was a shriek from the kitchen which made everyone's head turn. A few seconds later Linda ran through, soaked in what appeared to be orange juice. "Jeremy's gone crazy" she said, "he's just...." she trailed off when she saw Simon covered in green goo. "Oh" she said.

"I guess Jeremy's heard the news" said Casey.

"Let's go Linda" said Simon.

"Leaving so soon?" Jeremy had followed Linda out of the kitchen. "Do come again. It was such a pleasure."

Simon turned to the assembled guests. He wasn't going to meekly walk out of here he decided. He was going to give them a piece of his mind. He would cut them down with such a devastatingly witty comment that they would be left feeling six inches tall while he and Linda could depart with dignity, heads held high. But he couldn't think of one so he just left.

Some time later Natalie found Jeremy alone in the kitchen.

"Caught you lurking" she said.

"I'm not lurking."

"You look like your lurking."

"Actually I'm sulking."

"I knew it was something ending in ing. Shouldn't you be out there playing mein host?"

"I'm better off in here where I can't do any damage."

"What do you mean?"

"In one night I've managed to destroy both of our relationships. I'm a complete disaster area."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. Its not your fault. At least one couple have broken up at every party I've ever been to."

"Really?"

"Really. Actually I'm amazed that people still invite me."

Jeremy laughed. "I've missed that."

"Missed what?"

"You making me laugh."

"Didn't Linda make you laugh?"

"Not really. But that's not to say she wasn't really, you know..."

"Nice?"

"Yeah nice. And pretty."

"Of course she was pretty. She looked like me."

"True."

"And Carrie Fisher."

"Who told you about that?"

"Guess."

"Dan and Casey."

"Correct. Ten points. So was she hot?"

"Carrie Fisher?"

"Linda."

"Well.... not that hot."

"That's not what you told Casey and Dan."

"Just guys talk."

"I didn't think you went in for guys talk."

"I thought I try it out for size."

"Did it fit?"

"I don't think its really me."

"Neither do I."

"What about Simon?"

"What about him?"

"Was he good at guys talk?"

"I didn't really get a chance to find out but I suspect he was."

"It hurt you know."

"What did?"

"Seeing you with him."

"Well if its any consolation I wasn't thrilled to hear about Linda either."

At that point the door opened but neither heard it. Whoever it was didn't enter but the door remained slightly ajar.

"I guess we're not really over each other" said Jeremy.

"I guess not."

"We could try again."

"Do you want to?"

"Yes. Do you?"

Natalie paused to gather her thoughts. As she did so the door slowly closed again and this time they both heard it.

"I wonder who that was?" said Natalie.

"Someone who knows when two people don't want to be interrupted."

"I guess."

"So are you going to answer my question?"

Natalie took a deep breath. "I don't think so Jeremy."

"But why? You admit we you still have feelings for me."

"Its only been two weeks" said Natalie, "Of course the feelings are still there." She took his hand. "But the reason we broke up is still there as well. And I don't know if that will ever go away. I'm sorry." She let go of his hand and left him alone.

"Yep" said Jeremy, "a complete disaster area."

Natalie returned to the party. Dana saw her looking around as if searching for someone. She walked over to her friend. "Who are you looking for?"

"Dan. Have you seen him?"

"He left a few minutes ago."

"Left? Why?"

"No idea. He didn't even say goodbye, just grabbed his jacket and left. He seemed upset about something. Maybe Casey knows what."

"Oh."

"Was it important?"

"No, not really. I was just kind of hoping he would be my reserve date for the rest of the night?"

"Reserve date?"

"You know. The guy friend who will be your date when you don't have a date."

"Like Harry and Sally?"

"Yeah, just like Harry and Sally."

"Up to a point" said Dana.

"Yes. Up to a point" agreed Natalie. "The only question is" she added quietly, "which point?"

THE END


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